22 June 2005

Education increases dowry

A friend of mine got engaged recently and he was telling me that they had not asked for dowry. I guess my "not so excited" reply to his statement was something he didn't expect. He told me that during his sister's wedding there was a demand for dowry and the sum he mentioned was really huge. Another interesting fact he told me was that in the recent times, the demand for dowry has gone up due to eligible (?!) guys working in MNC/Foreign.

This set me thinking.
1. Would the guys, who don't demand dowry, marry a girl below their status (implying will they marry a girl who can't afford dowry?)

2. Why did they have to agree to the demands of the groom's family when they got their sister married? Were they so desperate for a groom?

3. Has the boom in IT industry resulted in an unhealthy custom being revived? Where are we progressing?

The social changes, smaller households, increasing number of upper middle class families have all lead to families willing to go to any lengths to get the best for their children. Now, it is more of a "Social Status" when someone speaks about the dowry. Even the families that proudly boast that they had not demanded any dowry, ensure that the bride's family is maintaining their "Social Status". There is almost a rat race among the bride's family too. In a bid to get the best for girl, the parents keep increasing their budget when they find a "suitable" match.

We believed that education would eradicate this social evil, but it seems we have moved backwards with education.

19 comments:

JaganLee said...

REally good debatable topic.
I totally accept what u said, educated people demand more dowry. Thats a sad state.
Marraige is a symbol of social status. Even the girl's parents want to spend more money to prove that they r wealthy. Probably we should address this issue effectively in next generation. Its difficult to convince our parents generation.
BTW, u married? If not, did u try speaking this to ur parents?

PVS said...

@JaganLee: Yep, I'm married and my hubby's family didn't demand a dowry and my parents too didn't give a single paise, although they did quite a bit of "extras" during the wedding and after saying that it would be "gaurava koraichal" if not done.

Aravinth said...

As u hv stated it is a real sad thing that is happening now...

Chakra Sampath said...

Pathetic that the dowry thingy still exists.

Coupla yrs back, I was shocked to learn from my colleague that he got a rice mill, 30 kgs of gold (yeah.. kgs... not sovereigns) & few other stuff that didn't get into my mind..

When I asked him whether he doesn't feel guilty abt that, he simply said, "when we hav a baby girl, we'll hav to give it.. so, my in-laws are giving it for their future grand daughter..". What that means is, this 'asingam' would still be around for another 25 yrs at least.

Ganesh Venkittu said...

PVS,

to answer your (1), yes, there are people who do that.....example? myself....as a matter of fact, all the 3 Venkittu brothers expected ZIP from our inlaws..money was never a factor in any of our marriages....the girl, her education, her outlook was....

..we did not dictate anything for the marriage, we had zero expectations....and all the 3 of us repaid our father-in-laws the cost of jewelry/marriage expenses etc 100%..

so, yes, there are still people out there with nobility in minds and following some of the many "eight fold path" preached by buddha....right action, right thought, right everything...

AF said...

Nice post.
Surely these educated people, will never marry below their status.
As you said "No dowry" but the girls family does so much by taking care of all the expenses and other things that it is a way of dowry. The nobility of mind is very rare these days, nowadays people are more for money. Even though they donot take money direcly they make sure the wife is an IT professional to give them endless dowry by working.

PVS said...

@Chakra: That's the most lame excuse I have seen so far given for getting dowry. Normally its my parents got it, I couldn't do anything or even, my parents have spent so much for my studies and so whats wrong in getting some of it back from the girl's family.

PVS said...

@Ganesh: Wow, hats off to u SIR!!! Remarkable. Its so nice to see that there are people like you who go the extra length to do what they think is right.

PVS said...

@AF: Yep, its another way of getting dowry. Infact I do remember, one of my relatives gave lesser dowry for their last daughter who was a nurse saying that anyhow she would be bringing home "1 soverign" every month. They were 5 girls and the other 4 were given more dowry than this girl!!!

Me said...

good post !!

i met a guy 2 yrs back who did not have job and said proudly that if he went back to india and get married he would get 25-30 lakhs as dowry bec he was educated in the US.....and he said they will give only in the girls name and it is just for her and not for me......

JaganLee said...

"bringing home "1 soverign" every month" - Lol.
If thats the case, then boy brings more dowry..haha.

hari said...

Hi PVS,
You go to places in Andhra Pradesh, India, you would find people getting educated to demand higher dowry.

There the situation is more the educated, more the dowry and people are ready to pay any amount of capitation fee to become a doctor or an engineer, as they feel it is a very high yielding investment.

Narayanan Venkitu said...

Very sad indeed...I wish the dowry days become history.!! Looks like they still live like the new stains of bacteria.

I never took a single penny.

Flip side - When I was looking out, several parents of daughters would come to me and ask me ' Are you healthy...everything ok in your family' How come you are not asking dowry.! All A-H's.

In my opinion, noone should give and noone should take...any form.of anything from the girls or boys sides for marriages.!

thennavan said...

OT: I blogrolled you :-)

AF said...

I have tagged you.
http://afrecipes.blogspot.com/

PVS said...

@ME: oh..my...so much for a US Education?

@JaganLee: :)

@Hari: Yep, have heard about AP and the amount spent as dowry there.

@Narayanan: That's true, people look at you with suspicion when you dont ask for dowry

PVS said...

@Thennavan: Thanks

@AF: Thanks, will try to complete it. Saw yours. Interesting

Sumanth said...

Once women start marrying down, the dowry evil will vanish overnight.

Recently, Supreme court termed the women who misuse anti-dowry laws a Assassins.(More details)

Bharat said...

http://harassed-husbands.blogspot.com/